truth and pain
2005-11-10
i havent updated in ages..i am being boring and not doing anything lately. Plus i havce been really crappy this week. First i have my T.O.M. so i have had a horrible stomach ache for ages and i have been moody.
but i have a party tomorrow which will be fun!! staturday i have another parrty to attend...but the problem is that none of my lubberlies are invited to either of them...how will i survive!!
meh...school was crap. i had crappy lessons and i so nearly killed the boy that sits next to me in geograpy..i got hissy with my friends..great.
Time for a moan! I can be myself at school..its so pissing. I cant say the way i feel because it hurts people and my friends get all angry..stupid women! People dont get my way of life..when im down i pick myself up again i dont just stay in the dumps for the rest to my life! I move on, i f i waste my life being upset by the way i feel then its a waste.
If people dont understand why i appear happy all the time then now they know. Someone has to be there to cheer up the rest and it seems to be me. But then it doesnt work because they all bitch about me.
I'm fed up of being bitched about, hurt, heart broken and abused by my so called friends..all they do is hurt me. When they dont they completely shut me off...ok maybe i am happy all the time but half the time i am breaking appart.
I am a very senstive person and people just dont understand that...i hide how i feel. Recently this has been affecting me because all my emotions are building up. Whehni say for once my mind to my so called friends i end up being shunted away!
I am soo fed up! i want to scream at them, i want to hurt them like they have hurt me! I want revenge..but that isnt me...its not me at all..the more i want to harm them i more sad i become.
I start wanting to aflict tyhe pain on myself but i dont of course.
I dream that something drastic happens to me so my so called friends feel sympathy for me. I want them to be my friends because i think that only then will me suffering inside end.
But everyday it gets stronger, my feelings build up. I cant bottle up my feelings becuaae the pressure will escape and i will seriously hurt someone.
Im writing this so you know...i just want at least one person to help me get rid of my hatred and my despise. At school people just think im ok, which is cool. But now i want to show them what i am like..the true me. The person that only i know and that i want you to know too.