oh dear...depression
2006-11-07
Hello
I think i've been transported into a state of mind which doesn't belong to me. I feel....cold. and i don't know why. i can't seem to get comfort anymore and i feel surprisingly fragile all of a sudden.
I think i'm depressed, but what about? nothing has happened to me to make me sad?
I get annoyed more than i used to...im meaner than i used to be. I'm changing and i don't want to. It's like i've grown up so quickly that i havent registered with what has happened.
I watched some old videos with me when i was little and it was horrible. half the relatives on there are dead and half are know complete tw*ts.
It's not as if i havent gottne over their deaths or anything it just...all i can think about it that i will never see them again. That the only time i could have spent with them has gone and it will never come back again.
But that is such a depressing thought. It's as if i have only just realised that what i have now will not last forever. The people i care about won't always be there so i have to make the most of them as i can becuase for all i know, tomorrow it could all end.
I don't really understand why i'm thinking about all these things. Maybe it's just becuase i have grown completely out of that naive shell that all young people have.
Then, i was never naive. I have always understood more than i'm supposed to.
Perhaps thats why i find igronance intolerable.
I know some very ignorant people. Someone in my year doesn't even know where africa is. Then some people at the age of 15 think that jesus was born in jerusalem. er..hello!!! Even done the navity play in first school beucas ei think every 6 yearold in the country jknows that jesus was born in bethlehem.
Maybe i am just a stuck up bitch who knows too much. But then....is having too much empathy and knowledge such a bad thing?
i dont know....who does anyway?
besides, i think no one my age can understand what im going through. It's the curse of thinking too much about death and love.
Nevermind...i'll get over it eventually.